Hands on - Biloxi, MS

Private tears, public smiles

2006-07-24T06:44:00.000-07:00

Aug. 29, 2005, is a date that is seared in the memories of thousands. Hurricane Katrina ravaged the Gulf Coast in a merciless storm of wind, waves and tornadoes. Hitting land as a Category 4 storm, Katrina's storm surge washed away homes, barges, buildings, trees and lives. Her 170 mph wind uprooted Live Oaks, removed roofs and assisted in placing many homes on railroad tracks, on top of cars or left them in a heap of disorder. New Orleans drowned as its only protection crumpled under Mother Nature's revenge.

I arrived to the Gulf Coast on Nov. 6, 2005. Roads to Biloxi remained unpassable, survivors lived in tents and daily meals were provided by the Salvation Army. Four foot piles of debris were the only remains of entire lives. Foundations were the only view while driving west on Highway 90.

An overwhelming, indescribable feeling of disbelief and sorrow grew within me. Work began at 8 am and ended when we were exhausted. Gutting out houses everyday to get survivors back into them. Cold nights, when I awoke with frost outside my tent, I worked harder because I had a warm building to go to and many survivors only had a tent.

The visible grief in the eyes of those I met ate away at me. I got angry and I got sad. I cried privately and I smiled publicly to give any sort of hope. Thousands were displaced, thousands lost their homes, thousands lost loved ones and thousands lost their city.

One day at time, I would tell myself. One house at a time. I physically could not gut out each house flooded in the Gulf. Katrina flooded homes 16 miles away from the Coast. Nowhere was untouched. Anxiety would rise in me as I became overwhelmed with the magnituted of her destruction. Boats tossed on land, tress leaning sideways, cars on lawns, clothing tangled in trees, debris littered everywhere and entire neighborhoods washed away. I would see these images everyday. Progress was slow, so slow. I would see small changes in the large picture that would lift my spirit.

More help, we need more help. We need more hands, we need more money, we need more skilled labor, we need attention. Over and over again I would battle these thoughts in my head and release my frustration with sweat from swinging a crowbar. Don't give up, I would think. These people need the help. They are continuing to suffer because they cannot move on.

I did not work alone and to those that helped a day, a week, two weeks, a month, three months, five months and seven months, thank you. I gave seven months of my life to the survivors of Hurricane Katrina. I worked until I could not physically work any more. I worked until I could not properly function emotionally. I worked until psychologically I was falling apart. I became so angry, I was not providing the love I normally could to those around me and to myself. Each time I went to New Orleans, I became sick to my stomach because I saw neighborhoods and homes still untouched since Katrina. The stained flood line from the water that sat for two weeks reminded me of the awful reality thousands went through. The sickness spread to anger and the anger to unproductive actions. I left because the destruction Katrina caused was taking my soul.

Many still remain on the Gulf volunteering. Many still arrive to help. Thousands are still displaced and see no end in sight. It is not over. The news does not cover the Gulf anymore. It has been forgotten, like thousands who survived the worst natural disaster in America's history.

My friends who became my family down there will forever remain in my heart as the most valiant and compassionate individuals I have ever known. We have seen human suffering at its worst in America. We have felt the pain that has cut into the hearts of thousands. We know the truth, and will carry it with us for the rest of our lives.

Thank you to my parents, Jim and Denise, for their unconditional love and support. Thank you to my family, friends and community members that have supported me the entire seven months of work.

Thank you to David Campbell and Darius Monsef, founders of Hands On USA. Thank you to David Gossett for your belief and continued support. Thank you to Hands On Network for taking over and allowing work to continue.

Thank you Mark Travis, Melanie Asmar, and the Concord Monitor for allowing me to tell my story, to tell the truth.

As my mother prayed for me each day to keep me safe, I would pray for the strength to go another day. I would pray for the survivors that this hell they live in would end. Many survivors taught me the true strength of faith, and mass at St. Rose de Lima replenished my weary body and soul.

Please do not forget about those who continue to live in destruction, and those who have dedicated hundred of hours of free labor to help the thousands forgotten.

Ending this chapter in my life has left me a much a stronger person. My strengths were tested daily as the result of my seven months in the Gulf Coast. I am looking forward to finding an employeer in nonprofits or outdoor education who will allow me the opportunity to use my newly developed skills.

Hurricane season ... again

2006-06-05T11:18:00.000-07:00

Hurricane season has begun. Our evacuation plan: leave base at any category, drive north to Hattisburg and stay in dorm rooms. We will bring water, food, gas cards, and chainsaws (to cut our way back if need be). I am definitely going to take my car because flood waters would certainly take the life of my already fragile, yet wonderful 1988 240 Silver Volvo. I do not know what Biloxi's evacuation plan is. The general population that we work with in East Biloxi are residents that could not evacuate for various reasons. The main reason is due to lack of funds.

Persevere is a non-profit organization that a friend of mine, Bill Driscoll, has begun in Pass Christian, which is 20 minutes west of Biloxi. Pass Christian is where Beau was raised, whose home was lost in the storm. Persevere began work already with the local church. We power washed the community building, and plan to take the rest of the drywall and insulation out of the church. Pass Christian is a ghost town. Many of the demolished homes have been removed by the town. The Catholic school across from Bill's building has been removed. Many buildings and homes gone forever, leaving a void in a once flourishing community. I gave many of the quilts donated from the kind and generous women of the Hopkinton Congregational Church to the daycare in the Pass. Bill's presence will revitalize the community and give them hope.

Hi mom, dad, Kate, Andrew, Grandma, Grandpa, and Uncle Jeff. I know y'all read my blog and I truly appreciate the love. I apologize for not calling often. Hope you are well and love you dearly.

Beth

I can't wait for next Sunday

2006-05-23T06:30:00.000-07:00

Dear Mom,

I hope this letter finds you happy and healthy in beautiful New Hampshire. I hope our basement is all dry, and everything is alright after the flooding. Wow, crazy to think New Hampshire was flooded, goes to show you must always be prepared for the worst. Speaking of prepared, word down here is that the East Coast is at a great risk this hurricane season. You and dad should have an emergency plan. Always have a flashlight with batteries in a place you will rememember (due to part-timers), bottled water, food for at least two days that can be prepared without electricity, and an evacuation plan. When the warnings go out, make sure both cars have full tanks of gas and know where you want to drive to. Water can rise within seconds. Have a plan. Where will you go if water rises? The roof may not be high enough. Think about 100 mph winds. Board up windows. Think about the worst possible situation and plan the best you can. It is hard to think of the worst, yet as we all have learned, it happens.

Today, church in Bay St. Louis was incredible. I never thought that I would say church was incredible. The energy, passion and soul of the gospel choir is completely rejuvenating. Dancing and singing in celebration of each other and the Lord is positively one of greatest feelings I've had down here. If church was this fun growing up, I have a feeling a lot of us would have a different view on Catholisism. Father Sebastian spoke today of love. We all have love. We have love for each other and love within we want to share. Love is what brought us down to help and love that continues to work during this time of continued struggle, instead of sitting idling by. His words cleansed my soul with tears, because he recognized the passion that brought us down here. Love for the hurting and suffering is why I am here. That moment in church I felt so proud and content, because he was so right. I thank Father Sebastian for speaking so true from the heart. Rejuvenated, healed and fullfilled. I can't wait for next Sunday.

I have been taking care of JP for the past six days because he had a fever for three days, and totally got the shit kicked out of him by a virus. A virus ripped through base and left folks dehydrated from diarrea and vomiting. It lasts 24 hours and we call it the awful, awful. I only got tired and a queasy stomach, which is good, because I had to bring JP his meals (he finally started eating solid foods yesterday), water, and keep him company. I truly love taking care of people. A career in nursing is certainly what I will do when I decide I am done working in the Gulf Coast.

Niko, John, and Donnie went on a road trip up North. I am taking care of Niko's garden and his puppy, Boss. The cucumbers are massive, the basil delicious in the pesto, tomatoes ripe, yellow squash galore, so so good. JP and I were supposed to be getting his park tilled, yet with JP down for the count, we haven't gotten to it yet. It's ok, JP will be well in a few days, so we'll get the work done. Councilman Stallworth gave us the parks in Biloxi to repair. Kaboom is going to build playgrounds in two of them. So wonderful of them.

Trampled by Turtles is playing a free show for us this Tuesday. It is so generous of them. Check them out on the internet, they rock.

With the hurricane season starting very soon, folks on the coast are weary. Folks that still have no idea what they are going to do when they have to leave their trailer in 8 months are burdened with the helplessness of no ability to progress forward, and move on from the hell they endured and continue to endure. It truly is so heartbreaking.

Emotionally, I am doing great. Deubs is coming back on Friday well rested and eager to help the rebuilding process begin at Hands On.

Hope you are well and please tell everyone at Hoppy High I say hi.

Love,

Beth

Helping hands

2006-05-10T11:55:00.001-07:00

Credit Suisse arrived on the coast with style and grace. Hard workers by day, generous celebrators by night. With their energy and fantastic work ethic, we were able to complete seven work orders in two days. They made a delicious Cinco de Mayo dinner for us all, and left us all in greater spirits. Thank you Credit Suisse.

Roofing in Bay St. Louis, which is forty-five minutes west of Biloxi, is a sweaty, tiring, sometimes dizzing, yet always successful day. Last week, I helped complete two roofs, and now there are two less FEMA tarps on the Gulf.

Nurse Kristin got a job in Gulfport and is renting a home in Bay St. Louis. We all visited her a couple nights ago, and hung out in a completed, non-damaged home. Being in a home on the Coast that I do not have to demolish, or demold, is a feeling of appreciation I never thought I would need to have. As the days get warmer and more humid, and the long-termer numbers get smaller, simple joys continue to not be taken for granted.

I am off to help JP put in a fence for his park along 90. Rebuilding is such a breath of fresh air.

Mr. President, I am Beth

2006-05-02T08:04:00.000-07:00

My sister drove down with my from Michigan and stayed four days with me. She was able to live the life that I try to tell everyone about over the internet. Kate was overwhelmed at first, because truly, there is so much destruction. It was comforting to have family with me and wonderful for my friends to met a family member. Kate left on a good note and awakened to the truth. Thank you Kate, I truly appreciate you experiencing my life and work.

It has always been a challenge to articulate my daily life on the Gulf Coast over the internet. I never want my parents, family or friends to worry about me. Clearly, the environment that I work in each day is full of destruction and debris, so I understand the concern for my physical safety. I was trained very well from the beginning, and have become strong physically to know my limits and trust my instincts. My life is never in jeopardy doing the work I do each day.

Emotionally, we all know there are tough times. There have been days where my mind and heart have been fully consumed with depression; true heartache is felt here generally on a daily basis because of the passion within me to want to help the human race. Heartache is also felt due to my lifestyle, which involves eating, working, and socializing with the same folks everyday. You become so accustomed to each other. Time is warped here. Relationships are intensified because of the work we do and our lifestyle. You enjoy, and at times become attached to others' energy, their work ethic, their happiness, their compassion for others, and their strength. When you are down, there is always a friend to hug you, comfort you and listen.

These bonds do not come without grief. Burnout has the potential to take your soul. You are so very angry because you are so very tired emotionally and physically. Without breaks, folks just leave. One day they decide they just can't take it anymore, and leave. They leave behind people that have been a part of their life and this bond is lost. The person did not die, yet in our everyday world they no longer exist. We all have our time of grieving over their saddened or angry departure. We all go through the "I should have said this" or "why didn't we tell them to take a break sooner?" You can suggest a break, yet the passion within is hard to tame.

This has never been done before. No one has ever experienced a Katrina before. We are learning how to cope in order to help. Almost every moment of everyday I learn something new, whether it's how to drive a Skid Steer or say goodbye when someone has already left.

These past few days I have learned new ways to cope. I have learned how to cope with the absence of my two closest friends here. I only went four days without Rohde in my five months of work. Deubs was my Hurricane Camp brother. They are gone and denial was first, then realization that their era is over. Another chapter in Hurricane Camp was abruptly ended in tragedy. Deubs says he'll be back. I sure hope so. The heartache that ensued was awful. So sad, I was so sad. I spiraled downward. I felt my hurt and did not know what to do. It is easy to give up here. To say you've had enough. To try to cope with alcohol. The strength within gets tested everyday. Persevere or leave. I was not going to let this take me. I was not going to let Hurricane camp take my soul and another piece of my heart. My work is for the people. It is not about me.

My healing occured at Jazz Fest yesterday. Being immersed in the musical culture of New Orleans and singing along with Bruce Springsteen as he played We Shall Overcome mended my broken spirit. I have been broken and I have been wounded: I will never be beaten. Rising above the ruin and fully understanding that I cannot depend on anyone so much was one of the many lessons of yesterday and today. I am so tired of being angry and sad. So so tired of it. I am done being angry. It exhausts me too much. I am unable to give my best work and positive attitude when I am angry. It does not help the cause.

I met the President of the United States last Thursday. I had been fostering a puppy, Stewie, with Deubs. When we both were gone, JP, Russel and Niko took care of him. Stewie was our little buddy. We were able to give so much love to him and of course, being a puppy, he just became happier and happier. A misundersting took place and Stewie was given to the President's First Handler. Stewie flew home on Air Force One and is now living at the White House. Deubs wanted Stewie and so did the rest of us. Sadly, the plan was made without this knowledge and we could not keep Stewie. Another loss at Hurricane Camp. That same day, as the Secret Service secured the base, stood on the roof with rifles, I shook hands with the President. As I extended my hand to him and shook his firmly I proudly said: "Mr. President, I am Beth." He asked where I was from and I said New Hampshire. We smiled for a few pictures and then he continued to look me in the eye and told me I looked tired. I nodded and he told me to take a rest.

This comment shocked me. Mr. President, I suppose this is a compliment about my work. However, if you understood the truth down here, you'd realize that yes I am tired and I am tired because we need help. His comment made me angry. Yet, I am over being angry. Our work down here warranted a presidential visit, and the first puppy I ever fostered is living in the White House. There is always a silver lining, sometimes it's just so immersed with emotions, it just takes time to appear.

Russel left last night after Jazz Fest. I commend Russel on his positive departure. He knew he was weeks overdue and once he made his decision, he was so positive about it. He spoke of how he will be able to reflect on all of this and learn what it was. Our strengths and friendships do not have to end now. There is great potential in our future. He was one of the few long termers to leave on a positive note. He gave me such hope and I know my time here is not over, yet it is wonderful to experience a person so passionate about life say see you down the road so gently and kindly. Thank you Russel. Love you, love your work. Thank you Rohde and thank you Deubs.

The support of family

2006-04-24T08:01:00.000-07:00

Rest is essential to do long term disaster relief work. Completely removing yourself from the affected area permits a mental and physical break definitely needed to stay sane. Currently, I am in Northville, Michigan, with my mom and sister, visiting my grandparents, aunts, uncle, and cousins. I drove from Mississippi to New Hampshire (24 hours) with one other, got my 1989 silver Volvo and loaded it up with quilts made by the women at the Hopkinton Congregational Church for the victims of Katrina.

My mom and I drove to the Catskills of New York, after visiting my brother at UMass Amherst, to stay with Hurricane Camp friends that have a home in the mountains.

We then drove to Michigan yesterday and were greeted by warm hugs, smiles and familar surroundings at my grandparents house. My family has supported me since the beginning and it is wonderful to spend time with them. Seeing me in person allows them peace of mind to know that I am alright. Sleeping in is great also because it is too hot in Mississippi to sleep past 8am.

My sister will be driving down with me on Wednesday. She is going to spend four days with me in Mississippi. We will be going to Jazz Fest in New Orleans and she will help me hand out quilts. I am excited for my sister to experience what my life has been for the past five months.

Prior to my break, Guillermo, a Dartmouth graduate from Maryland with a calm and wise demeanor, and I went on a mission at dusk to retrieve tools in East Biloxi left on a job site. We got see so many families playing outside, folks sitting on chairs chatting in front of their trailers. The strength of the survivors is humbling and it was so rewarding to see the families back in their city, a city we helped from day one recover from the storm.

Upon my return, I will remain in Biloxi for an unset amount of time. Now that I have my car, I will be able to drive north whenever I feel the need to rest emotionally and physically. For now, I will spend time with my wonderfully caring, kind, funny and supportive family.

Time for puppies

2006-04-14T08:31:00.000-07:00

The sun is shining, birds are chirping, puppies are playing: spring is here. Our animal rescue team saved 26 puppies in Jackson from being put down yesterday. Many volunteers have adopted the cuddly, cute pups. The remaining will be brought to the Gulfport animal shelter. One of the greatest moments I have had here was playing with six puppies in the play pen. They are so alive with energy and jumped all over me, how can you not be happy with puppies? It was great.

The Hope 6 project is going well. Tiles are being smashed and nails removed. These will be low income housing for folks in trailers with no homes.

I am off to go drive the mold trailer to the site and then work on a building in Pass Christian.

Beth

Hard manual labor

2006-04-10T06:20:00.000-07:00

Hope 6 is a low income housing project in East Biloxi. There are over 100 homes that we are demolding and preparing for rebuilding. Hands On is not offically in the rebuilding stage, however, we are getting all the building regulations and trying to get the skills in order to move to that next phase. Yesterday, Deubs, Rohde, JP and myself ripped up tile floors in one of the homes. Hard manual labor.

Americorps NCCC from Charleston and Sacramento are staying with us for two months. They have been trained in leading interior crews and mold crews. Guillermo keeps the work orders in the proper system, and us long termers get a break from leading mold and interiors.

Today, long termers are getting trained in CPR. Tomorrow, Deubs, Rohde and myself are going to rip up tile floors in D'Iberville. The homeowner is making us a bar-b-que after. Bar-b-ques are popular here and a way homeowners can thank us for our help.

I was on the Jim Lehrer news hour last Wednesday. You can find the video here.

It rained last night, which is good, it's been real dry lately. Buckshot and Justin got black lab puppies, they are so cute. Off to get recertified in CPR.

Beth

I'm learning my limits

2006-03-29T07:15:00.000-08:00

Thanks to my wonderful sister, I am taking a break in Breckenridge, CO. After a few days of rest, fresh brisk mountain air, and spectacular views, I am feeling my old self again.

I have a stronger respect for the Colorado mountains because the strength mother nature has proven to have. It is calming to be in an already functioning society. It is also healing not to look into the eyes of so many and see the saddness brought on by a broken heart. I forgot how nice it was to take a long shower each day, to get dressed in clothing other than work clothes, make my own meals, and have each day relaxingly structured.

Being away from base, I miss my friends that I have bonded with so strongly. We chat every couple of days, and the great news is that base is happy again. No more tension, anger or turf war. We have our base back and morale is strong again. Many long termers have taken a break because the emotional stress MTV caused all of us.

I was set on leaving, however, now that I have been able to rest, see sights other than destruction and be with my sister, I will be returning. I have learned that I must take a break sooner, so I don't get so burned out and angry. It is all about learning your limits, taking care of yourself, and knowing when enough is enough.

Talking with my sister and her friends, I realize that people simply do not know the truth in the Gulf. The lack of media coverage and footage leads people to believe that work is done or almost done. Knowing the truth, I want to continue to get the message out there. I plan to talk with folks at Canon and Kodak in the human relations and public relations to see if they would donate a camera in order to show America the truth.

Lawrenceville, a prep school from New Jersey that worked with us for a week in March, is planning to raise $10,000 for Hands On. They are going to try to get a corporate company to match what they raise. The more personal donations we get, the less dependent we are on corporate sponsors that brought such mysery to our base. I keep in touch with Kelsey from Lawrenceville, and they are trying to come back this summer because Hands On changed their lives. It is so wonderful to see the youth making a difference by getting their hands dirty and opening their hearts.

If folks are wondering how they can help, there is always the option of sponsoring a volunteer. You can help pay their college loans for each month that they are in the Gulf. Or you can simply send money directly to them. Remember, many dropped everything they were doing in order to help. If this interests anyone, please let me know, because I have plenty of friends working for free to help our nations forgotten that have bills and loans that they must pay.

I will be returning to Biloxi in a few days refreshed, happy and energized to get more work done. Hands On is moving in the rebuilding phase as best as possible. The new building codes have not been set, so we are slowly moving towards rebuilding of homes. My sister will be joining me in the Gulf at the end of April for a few days to work and see my life in Biloxi. Don't worry mom, I will take good care of her.

Again, thank you all for your continued support. Mom and Dad I love you and will see you soon.

Beth

Tainted and wounded

2006-03-20T06:38:00.000-08:00

The last 48 hours of my life have been a bad movie. A movie that I could not turn off, fast forward or return. I was trapped in anger, frustration and sadness as the movie continued.

It is over. I am tainted and left wounded. MTV is to blame. It is such a moral battle I go through each day in the Gulf Coast. Waste, poverty, devastation, and hunger -- not only physically, yet emotionally and spiritually.

Spring breakers flood the Gulf and fresh hands get much work done. Unfortunately, this is with a cost. Of course there is a cost, nothing is free. Yet as I write that, I know that for many days we all worked for free. We all volunteered to help thousands.

Not until our home was gone did I realize how much I truly loved it. This is forever a life's lesson.

As the truth is revealed and the reality of destruction is experienced, more come to help. It costs us $3000 a day to run our facility. This must be funded from somewhere. I knew when the changeover from Hands On USA to Hands On Network occured, corporate America would be more visible. Home Depot, United Way, Fed Ex are all sponsors of Hands On Network.

MTV wanted in on the Gulf recovery profits, so people in nice suits thousands of miles away came up with a plan. United Way and MTV got together. MTV came up with new show, Storm Corps. An alternative spring break to be publicized afterwards.

Our base was chosen and this is where the story begins. We were told about MTV. First, it was very exciting. Our movement had been noticed, help was on the way in a big way and perhaps I'd get to be on MTV. My thoughts and feelings are so drastically different now. Obviously there were negotiations with the uppers, and very little involvement with those doing the work. Yet, when you have millions, you have power.

MTV showed up last Sunday and rocked the long termers in a bad way. MTV had their own agenda, and did not even tell those who got chosen to be on the show that anyone else lived on the base that they were going to stay at. We are a very strong community built on passion, hard work and compassion. MTV separated us right from the beginning by doing their own orientation, making them wear their own shirts and not allowing them to mold! There must be study done about the negative reactions to entering an already existing community and forcing visible change.

Signs were graffitied that were put around our base advertising for Fed Ex, United Way and MTV. Harsh words were said and camera men were yelled at on site by getting in the way and making team leaders adjust what they were doing for the camera. Trucks, people in suits, and hassle were all part of the package. Anger bubbled on the surface and exploded Wednesday morning when a long termer expressed their opinions about corporate America in written documents left all over base. MTV and United Way uppers threatened to pull out and take all funding. Our new director was almost fired. Tension flared and a long termer meeting that allowed us to vent followed. We are no longer in a world where voicing our opinions could get us a pink slip or grounded. Voicing our opinion could get us fired and Erika, the director, fired. Funding taken away. The consequences of our actions are much more dire.

We all decided we were going to be the bigger people and be quiet until they leave. MTV made Deubs leave for the night because they did not want an incident (he is not shy on verbally expressing how he feels). They decided to leave early today and we are all patching from the horrible experience.

I felt used. All the work we had done MTV wanted to take as their own and create their own community. The unique experience down here was that there was no corporate America when I initially came. Hands On USA got personal funding and was not marked by major corporations. The major corporations have the money, so they have control. A very sad realization and experience for me.

We are in the new wave of recovery. We do not have total freedom anymore and must please corporate sponsors to continue. MTV and United Way tried to take the heart of this place, yet no way. We are wounded, and never beaten. Once they left, a weight had been lifted and I could breathe again. I was so very angry and so hurt. Yes, work got done and work will continue. However, this was a reality check for me. Hands On Network will never make this mistake again, yet the path is on a corporate path.

I am planning my next move in life more seriously. Perhaps my time has come to move on from Biloxi and continue with my dreams. I plan to leave at the end of April at the lastest. I will be going somewhere warm to rest and begin taking prerequisites for nursing. You can guarantee I will not watch a MTV movie or the show for a long, long time.

MTV took over our base and I felt like I had no home. In a city of chaos and destruction, it is so important to have a place you safe, secure and total free to be yourself. You had to watch what you said, watch how you acted and tip toe. Money equals power not equality.

Beth

On a more positive note

2006-03-06T07:07:00.000-08:00

Fellow Granite Staters are making a difference in Biloxi. A group from Back Bay Missions is rebuilding a home that I helped gut out in November and demold in January. It is so fullfilling and uplifting to see a home actually being rebuilt. The homeowner, Georgina, is so grateful to each one of us who has helped her on her journey to recovery and rebuilding.

Moments like this give me the kick start and second wind I need. New Orleans saddened and angered me, however those emotions truly get me nowhere. Putting that engery to a more constructive means allows me to calm down, and again appreciate the magnitude of this disaster.

Two days ago, Lawrenceville prep school from New Jersey arrived with 50 eager and willing high schoolers. Prior to their arrival, we were turning over one house every couple of days in the mold process due to lack of numbers and interest. Now, we are turning over four houses a day! Another group from St. Bonaventure College from New York arrived today, and we will be turning over five houses a day. The huge burden of taking on an enormous task with only a little help has been lifted, and by the end of the month, we will have approximately 150 homes demolded and ready to be rebuilt!

The Americorps group that I helped train left for New Orleans yesterday, and I am confindent that their leadership will organize the base and get work done.

I am currently in Bay St. Louis, which is west of Biloxi. We are setting up another base here. We are staying in an elementary school across from St. Rose de Lima. (Here is their website: http://www.strosedelima-bsl.org/.) After services tomorrow -- yes mom I going to church -- we will be doing debris cleanup.

I will be here for a few days to help Beau (who is going to remain here for the month) get things organized and running as smooth as they can. Friendships on base in Biloxi became stronger as we all prepared for the massive increase in numbers due to spring break.

MTV will be at our base in Biloxi on March 11, taping Storm Core (I think that is the name) for 10 days. It will not be like Real World, more of a documentary.

It is so wonderful how the realization and action of others has arrived in force. Off to sleep on an air mattress in a 6th grade classroom. I look forward to mass tomorrow, it will be a calming and reflective experience.

This isn't right and it's not fair

2006-03-01T11:06:00.000-08:00

New Orleans is a beast far from being tamed. Mardi Gras exposed the sad truth of the city. Driving deep into the 9th ward, we passed over a drawbridge that elevated our view of a section of the city that was right on the water. I thought that I had seen the worst: I was sorely mistaken. My jaw dropped when I looked left to right. No words could express the total destruction of homes still remaining in the 9th ward. Having the need to make a verbal expression left me saying "Holy S***! Holy S***!" over and over again.

Homes in this area were filled with water for weeks, and the date the homes were checked ranged from 9/16-9/25. Remember, the storm took place on August29. We have a base set up in New Orleans, and I am training a team of nine NCCC Americorps to lead teams there.

We gutted a house for a seargent east of the city. This house has not been touched since the storm. Mold had overtaken the home, and it was the worst I have ever seen. It made me cry because there is still so much work to be done, and I foolishly assumed work had been effecient like what we have done in Biloxi.

There is no grid system set up in New Orleans, there felt like there was no order. The decision to rebuild still has not been made. What the hell has been going on in the past 6 months?!!! Decide so these people can move on.

Mardi Gras was a happy celebration for many, which allowed many to feel somewhat normal. I had problems watching the amount of waste acumulate, yet my friend, John, told me that Mardi Gras is a celebration of inefficiency and a lifestyle unique to New Orleans. I never went to New Orleans before the storm and John described it for me: "It was a vibrant city, that celebrated the simplicity of life. It was like going to Rio or South America. Now, the storm kicked the shit out of the city, and the raw truth is exposed. The difference between rich and poor is no longer hidden. This is America's Third World."

There was a feel of bubbling anger towards the corrupt police in the city. T-shirts for sale read: "FEMA evacuation plan: run mother f***** run!" Another read N.O.P.D. -- Not our problem dude. When the cops on horseback went through the streets people yelled "No PD! NoPD!"

When we drove around to find parking near our base, the houses had no order of being searched. Some read 9/2, then the house next to it read 9/25. I saw one house with the number 5 on the bottom, indicating that 5 people had been found dead in the home.

The lack of work that has been done in New Orleans is a slap to the face and kick in the gut. What is going on?! The president wants to cut the NCCC Americorps program. They are doing work to improve our country. What are the priorieties for our president!! I am done trying to understand both sides. President Bush let me down and continues to do so. I cried and cried after leaving New Orleans. This isn't right and it's not fair. Why should these people continue to look and live in such destruction? This can be picked up and dealt with if our President would just do it -- if he would come down here and look that it is not done. Non-profit volunteers are doing most of the work here and we are the wealthiest country! I am ashamed of our President and the lack of work, compassion and help our federal government has done. Our fellow Americans are suffering each day and have been for 6 months!

This is far from over. The anger, sadness and frustration I feel is overwhelming and at times I want to give up because I feel helpless. I will not give up, and that is the mentality of many here who have realized the truth. We are on our own to rebuild afterthe worst national disaster our country has ever experienced. Where is the logic in that?! Please tell me what is going on. No one has answers. Until our president takes charge and gets the work done, passionate volunteers will continue to do the work. Six months after the storm, I have zero faith in our government. That my friends, is one of the worst feelings I have felt.

Extreme Makeover

2006-02-17T06:28:00.000-08:00

Sunshine and warm temperatures brighten the coast. In preparation for the hundreds of spring breakers coming in March, we are adding two more outdoor showers, organizing our tool shed, and obtaining all the tools necessary to put the eager college youth to work.

We have finished demolding St. John's church, which we will then reconstruct in order to house more volunteers. The team leader for interiors, Deubs, and myself have designed block parties to maximize our efficency in the field. We bring all the tools necessary for demolding and finishing work for the day. Crews rotate from house to house to experience all aspects of the prep work before the homeowners can rebuild. The block party is a huge success, and this idea will be used during the month of March to filter the volunteers effectively.

Extreme Makeover was in town this past week, rebuilding for Coastal Health Care. Coastal is a community health center that mainly serves folks below the poverty level, and many who have no health insurance. Coastal had nine buildings before the storm and lost five to Katrina. All documents and equipment were lost in Biloxi. Hands On USA assisted them from the beginning. We obtained a grant for them to rebuild other buildings, because Extreme Makeover rebuilt one for them. We have been entering as much data that is available and obtaining reimburstment information for lost equipment. Hands On Network will continue to work with Coastal while they are here. You can watch the episode of Extreme Makeover at the end of March if you so desire.

Beau, who grew up in Pass Christian, which is 30 minutes west of Biloxi, is a team leader here. We saw his house yesterday, which was the only house he has ever lived in. His house is off the foundation because the two feet of water collapsed the floors. His parents moved to Montana before the storm and were in the process of selling their home. Beau gave us a tour of what is left of his town. Piles of debris, shattered homes, and destroyed buildings. It never ended. It doesn't end. We took back roads, and we discussed how seeing all the destruction has become the norm and it truly doesn't affect us much anymore. We are desensitized, which is rather sad. The magnitude of the cleanup is beyond description. When and how it will be done are questions that have no answers yet.

I will be tutoring tomorrow at a local elementary school, and will share stories from the youth in my next entry. Have a wonderful day and thank you for reading and your support.

Dear Mom and Dad

2006-02-07T08:36:00.000-08:00

Dear Mom and Dad,

I hope this letter finds you happy, healthy and warm in New Hampshire. The gnats make me wish for a freeze, yet I really don't mind the warm weather.

Upon returning from my three day vacation of Tour de Texas, I am now a paid team leader for Hands On Network. It truly is wonderful I get a stipend for my work. Rebuilding the South is my life now, so it is great I can get paid for it!

Today I lead a mold crew. The numbers are low here, which isn't too bad. Being a New Hampshire girl, I am use to small groups and calmer waters. I am able to get to know volunteers more personally and bonds are stronger.

We are gearing up for March because it is going to be Spring Break Biloxi '06, baby. We are booked for the entire month with college groups! It is fabulous.

Looking around the city, the debris, wrecked houses and business still remain. Slow progress. Business are waiting until they have insurance 100% before they remove debris. The problem is that around March, the city is going to stop picking up debris on the streets. If businesses do not demolish or gut out their buildings, who knows if and when they will ever be removed. With this said, the urgency to gut out all houses in Biloxi is essential. We are working against the clock, and it is so frustrating that it must be so complicated.

It is time for our bar-b-que that a principal from one of the schools is having for us. Before I leave, I want to share with you a quick story from today. At the house we were demolding, I was plugging in an extenstion cord to the generator for our grinders. I found two Cabbage Patch dolls lying in the yard. I stopped, picked them up and instanstly started crying. I had Cabbage Patch kids when I was young and holding them and brushing the dirt off of her face stung so deep in my heart. The poor little girl who used to play with these lost everything: her toys, her clothes, her home. She is one of thousands. 500,000 homes were lost to Katrina, so many kids so, so many. One day at a time, one house at a time.

I love you both dearly and miss you. I am doing well and don't worry, as you know, the crying helps me heal.

Beth

New structure for the long haul

2006-02-02T14:34:00.000-08:00

Hands On Network has taken the place of Hands On USA. Hands On USA will remain a Disaster Response non-profit organization, and Hands On Network will have a presence in Biloxi for at least two years. The transition ends a chapter and begins a new. The need is no longer an emergency. The damage has been done, and slowly residents are coping with their reality.

Hands On USA was there right after the storm and continued doing whatever needed to be done for five months. An organization founded upon the great and desperate need of fellow Americans who were victims of the worst natural disaster of our nation's existence. Dave Campbell, Darius Monsef and Marc Young provided the opportunity for others to give the gift of hope with the belief and creation of Hands On USA.

Prior to the changeover, Hands On USA was presented with the only remaining key to the city of Biloxi. Councilman Stallworth expressed with a genuine heart how the volunteers of Hands On USA truly gave the people of Biloxi hope. When his people looked at their homes with a heavy weight of uncertainty and despair, we helped give them hope by removing all items from their homes and get them to the next step of mold removal. His tears expressed his gratitude. There is still so much work to do, yet we have provided a light at the end of the tunnel. A force of people wanting to help guided wisely has truly made a difference.

I am so grateful to be a part of this movement that provides answers. I thank everyone who has supported me and who continue to do so as the days of Hurricane Katrina recovery continue.

Life turned inside out

2006-01-27T11:09:00.000-08:00

This photo is from East Biloxi. Interior belongings were put on the curb, along with the moulding, drywall and wood from homes. Frames are the only thing left in most homes. The smell from the rotting debris fragranced the city streets for weeks until it was removed. Anything anyone ever owned found its resting place on a city curb.

Road to nowhere

2006-01-27T11:07:00.000-08:00

This photo is from the Point in East Biloxi. Highway 90 went on the south side of the Biloxi peninsula, then traveled east. This section of the highway crumbled due to waves and wind attacking it from both sides. Looking at it at times doesn't seem real.

Searching for the right words

2006-01-27T10:54:00.000-08:00

This photo is from the Boys and Girls Club in West Biloxi. The building in East Biloxi was destroyed in the storm. Our activity was writing poetry with cut out words from magazines. We were helping the youth find ways to express their emotions and/or simply not talk about the storm at all.

A message to Katrina

2006-01-27T09:27:00.000-08:00

This photo is from Waveland, Mississippi. Water swept homes off of foundations that were on I-90. Eventually, enough debris pilled up to create a dam to slow the water and prevent total demolition of the city. Many homes further away from the water looked like this one. Spray paint was a common message sender. Many homes have "You loot, we shoot" or "Shoot to kill."

Anne says that God has a purpose for her

2006-01-23T07:01:00.000-08:00

It has been stated that "if you build it, they will come." This has proven to be true on the Gulf Coast.

For the past two days, I have been showing two gentlemen from Price Waterhouse Coopers what Hands On USA has been doing in Biloxi. They are filming work crews and the area in order to show corporate businesses a non-profit organization that they can send their employees to volunteer for that is truly making a difference. We expect to see the first wave of corporate volunteers mid-Febuary.

Anne Humphrey is a women that met these two gentlemen. While our crew was gutting out her house, she cried as she told us that this has made her so weak. She was born in that house 59 years ago and she couldn't look at her house while it was being gutted. Her niece, her brother and two friends waited out the storm for five hours in a loft. She said she was very nervous that the floor would give way because three of them were very heavy set. Luckily, the floor did not give way, and Anne says that God has a purpose for her because she survived. After she spoke and wiped her tears, she summoned up the courage and marched right inside her home while crowbars and debris were flying about and told us what each room was before the storm. This is the first time that I have seen this happen. She talked on film about how grateful she was for us and pleaded for more help. Anne's words came from her heart, as if she knew that God wanted her to give that message.

Since I have been team leading, I have been able to move inside the church building and share a room with three other girls. I still have my tent in the back yard and usually sleep outside, unless it gets below freezing (yes, Mississippi does have a winter). We have breakfast inside, which is made by a different group of people each day. The same with dinner. We used to eat MRE's for lunch from the Air Force, however, we are out of those now, so we have been buying lunch meat and making brown bag lunches.

Life goes on as normal as the community of Biloxi can make it. Business are slowly opening up and the city has made some great progress. I truly do appreciate all the support from everyone, because the community absorbs that support through me. Thank you.

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world." Gandhi

A King day with special meaning

2006-01-18T08:19:00.000-08:00

The tradition in Biloxi is to have a parade in celebration of Martin Luther King Jr. Monday, our group cleaned the Martin Luther King Jr. Boulevard and other streets where the parade would take place. We had a float in the parade with posters of each of the states that have had folks come here to help. It was a fantastic celebration for the community and they were able to thank us for all of our work. The parade was very uplifting because people were laughing and coming together in joyous celebration.

Today, as the sun set over the gulf in a crisp red sky, I was able to see beauty amid the destruction. But imagine driving from Berlin to Nashua, 150 miles, and being surrounded by devastation. That, my friend, is the reality here.

Along the coast, foundations remain, with two-story homes barely standing on them. Piles of debris 4 feet tall and higher, created from shorefront homes, are still untouched on the lawns of many homes six blocks from the Gulf.

“Shoot to Kill” and “You loot we shoot,” written for survival with spray paint, decorate many homes I see. Others bear people’s names, stating that they are alive and giving a number to contact.

I wonder how these people are coping. What did they see, how did they survive? What was Biloxi like before the storm?

Battling Black Mold in Biloxi

2006-01-13T12:54:00.000-08:00

My main focus right now is getting homes to the rebuilding stage. We have gutted the houses out, yet not all of them, and there are many more to gut. The next stage is to kill the mold.

Black mold has infested the homes of community members in Biloxi because of the amount of time, condition and weather during and after Katrina. Rebuilding CANNOT begin until all mold is treated and controlled. Knowing full well that mold will return in the future, removing this toxic black mold before it can spread is essential.

There are a minimum of 4,000 houses in Biloxi that must be rebuilt. Hands On USA is turning over 3 to 5 houses a week. At this rate, it will take 400 days before all of Biloxi can begin the rebuilding process. Councilman Bill Stallworth wants to expedite the treatment because people are beginning to rebuild over the mold because they are simply done waiting. Others are losing hope.

Treating the black mold is three-day process. This (first) stage involves spraying the wood with a light mist of diluted Shockwave. This step must dry for a day. Then we go back and grind the surface mold away, vacuum the area and wipe down the spores again with the same solution lightly. Then the next day we paint Killz on the wood to dry out the wood and create an environment not able to host mold. After we spray the houses, we will scout other houses and see if they are ready for the treatment.

I am a team leader now. I am one of three leaders of the black mold war. I am doing what I can to get these people to the rebuilding phase. It is imperative that they rebuild because their spirits are weakened, their lives in turmoil and waiting is destroying them.

College students from BC, Huntington and Williams have all come down on their winter break to help. People are stepping up, and it is wonderful.

There are so many houses and we are the only organization that is doing mold. Hands On USA has gutted 300 houses, but there are at least 500 houses gutted to be molded. It overwhelms me, yet I am learning to take it day by day, house by house. The need is so great; so many people are waiting. Waiting. Always waiting. False promises and wrecked lives.

One woman, Sara Walker, told me that if just one house can get rebuilt on her street, it will give everyone hope. She says her neighbors are planning to ban together and volunteer after the next major disaster, just like we have banned together to help them. She says I am an angel. We all are. We are angels picking them up, brushing them off and giving them hope that they will have a home again, a community, a sense of peace.

Melvin says the storm has put him in turmoil. He doesn't know if he is coming or going. He is raising his 2-year-old son in the (FEMA) trailer (luckily, he is able to have one) and his son can't play outside because there is glass and debris. He has stopped taking care of himself, shaving, you know the simple pleasures. He works Mon.-Fri. at the Navy yard. He is working so hard, yet he is still getting the blues. Always getting the blues. It is so tragic. My heart breaks for him. I am personally making sure his house is de-molded this week.

I cry because I wish it wasn't so hard, so long.

Hands On USA is leaving at the end of January. Fortunately, Hands On Network is taking over and continuing the work in Biloxi. Hands On Network is also going to be helping communities west that are operating from tent cities. I have the opportunity to stay on as a team leader and get paid a stipend for six weeks of leadership work. Volunteers will fuel the engine, and we leaders will maintain the structure of what we have started here in Biloxi.

Rebuilding will continue and I have a hard time thinking of leaving when I see and experience the reality and truth of the progress, or should I say the lack of progress, and condition of Biloxi and so many other communities of the Gulf Coast.

http://handsonusa.org